Dear Aunt Katie,

I can never seem to find a good matching pair of socks. I mean, sometimes one sock will be less white than the other, and that just won't do! I'm worried that somebody will make fun if my lack of color coordination. If somebody found out, I'd probably never live it down. What can I do to ensure that each time I put on socks they match perfectly? Should I make a chart, or what? This is kind of hard for me to figure out myself, and I thought your infinite wisdom could help me with my plea. Looking forward to an answer.


Dear Tom,

What is wrong with you? Obviously, you are going about this the wrong way. Instead of trying to match everything up perfectly, just put on whatever you feel like. Take me; I put on purple socks with green socks, red socks with brown socks, whatever I want when the mood sets in. Does anybody complain? No, because they would never dare. Nobody cares anyway. They all think I drink too much, but I'll drink however much I want, no matter what time of the day it is. You know what, Tom? Just wear one sock. That way, there is no risk that the other will not match.

Aunt Katie

On a more mundane and serious level: this is the best site in the UK for short term car insurance, direct line insurance and even cheap car insurance for young drivers. Believe me. Then again perhaps you need taxi insurance, or perhaps a short term car insurance quotation. There is no accounting for taste.

Dear Aunt Katie,

My boyfriend doesn't want to do anything. Like, he won't help me rob a bank, he won't go cliff diving; I don't know what to do with him. How can I make him do stuff with me? It hurts my feelings that he isn't even willing to steal candy from a baby. Just what kind of relationship does he, like, want this to be if we can't have any fun? The movies told me it's supposed to be this way, and they're always right. I'm ready to leave him, unless you can stop me.


Dear Laura,

You know what you need? A stiff drink. I would drink more of the alcoholic stuff if I didn't think I should have more blood than wine in my system. If you drink enough of it, you might forget that your boyfriend is not a wanted criminal. OK, OK, we'll be serious. Start things off slowly with him. Ask him to trip an old lady at church. Maybe a prank call would be more his thing. Keep looking, and I'm sure he'll become a boyfriend right out of a Hollywood blockbuster.

Aunt Katie

Hey Aunt Katie,

I dropped my cell phone in the toilet! I don't want to touch the water, so I've been trying to get it out with lots of things. A shoe, a stick, but nothing seems to work. Even if I do get it out, I don't know how to clean it! Who wants to talk on a phone with toilet germs all over it? Help! It's just floating there and sooner or later I'm going to have to use the toilet.


Dear Rita,

I'm not sure I even want to know how you managed to do that. All I can suggest is bribing the next person who visits your home, and get them to do it for you. Then you can put it in the dishwasher so it will be nice and clean.

Aunt Katie

Do YOU have a problem you'd like answering? Email us at and when she's sobered up we'll ask her to solve your problem!

taxi insurance uk

Copyright The Sunday Smut 2009